I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
