I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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