I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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