i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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