my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
