I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
