the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
