you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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