thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
