Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
as a side note pls kill me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
