I wanna bring you to show and tell
I want to walk on stilts...naked
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
