SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
