I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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