I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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