i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
