my room smells like sperm. sweet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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