VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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