if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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