Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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