Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
