she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
