the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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