my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
