You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
