brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
