Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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