That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
