I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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