SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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