my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
