What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
