Please, let me fuck your mom
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
