yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
