You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
