it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
