Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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