My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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