Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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