If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
