If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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