Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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