He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
