i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He passed out mid-signature
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
