I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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