why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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