im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
