long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
