Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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