The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
