I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
