Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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