Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dear god my vagina.
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