giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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