Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
