I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
