ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
