I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
false alarm. still invincible.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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