So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so let's talk penis.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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