More tranny stories later!
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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