yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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