member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
